Crushing Fear

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9

3:00 a.m. 

I recently woke up to a deep feeling of dread, the exact opposite of my standard optimism about being strong and courageous. I got dressed, made coffee, and rested in my favorite brown leather chair beside the fireplace and searched for God in Psalm 91, an unsigned work possibly written by King David around 1,000 B.C. Interestingly, David was a combination fighter, leader, king, and poet who, like me, loved action while pressing through emotional highs and lows.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Where do you turn when you’re afraid, crushed by fear? Years ago, I ran to alcohol but others medicate pain through sex, drugs, food, music, T.V., and more.  

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

“Resting in the shadow of the almighty” evokes in me a picture of a giant bald eagle spreading his wing over his eaglet and saying, “Nobody messes with me, son. You will recover if you rest right here, right in my shadow. There will be a day and time to hunt, but not today. Don’t foolishly seek rest somewhere else; under my wings is where you belong in this moment.”

Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night…nor the plague that destroys at midday.

4:00 a.m. 

The darkness outside my window still reigns, but the darkness in my heart is waning. 

Imagine inserting your name in the place of the world “he” in this verse. For me, it would look like this: 

“Because Rob loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for Rob acknowledges my name. Rob will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with Rob in trouble, I will deliver Rob and honor him. With long life I will satisfy Rob and show him my salvation.”

This is not me boasting at the expense or exclusion of somebody else, but celebrating a covenantal sonship of a warrior-dad who has my back.

6:00 p.m. 

The darkness outside then deferred to the majesty of the Colorado sunrise as I reflected on taking my fears to God. Because I loved God enough to seek him, and not that unholy trinity of me, myself, and I, God whispered with authority: “Rob, I’ve got you. I’ve never stopped having you. I created you 57 years ago, and I will care for you today, and every day. My faithfulness was your shield then, and will be your shield today. Come here, right under this powerful wing, and see once again how good I am.” 

God didn’t change my circumstances, but rather spoke “peace!” to the waves that were rocking my emotions. Because I rested under his wing, he gave me a sense of calm and awareness that God was present in that living room with me. God covered this six-foot-two-inch man with his timeless word.

Fear crushed.